i don't know if by harping on these feelings anything will happen. last night,i cried so much that i couldn't breathe. in all honesty i dont know what i should do. here i am again caught in a rut. god, im really good at this paint-yourself-into-a-corner thing. sometimes i feel im just doing something wrong. i dont know if honesty is a sin or if sincerity is a curse. i'm lost and i really don't know what to do about this.
no training ever prepared me for this.
i have no regrets with what i share with you. to say that i miss you right now is a total under estimation, not because of the physical proximity between us right now but there is so much i am holding back right now from you because of the reason that it cannot be.
you're really unpredictable right now and it muddles up everything in my mind and in my heart. Coldness and indifference sometimes come into play,
Id like to think I'm important to you too.. I just dont understand me right now. I brought myself into this and how long I will hold back I dont know.
God. Help me. I'm lost.
